Max is sick. Heh - no,I mean in the cold virus, running a fever, snotty, needs chicken soup and Thera-Flu STAT! type of sick.
I am durnk....the type of durnk that tries to type "durnk" to make it funny and then types "drunk" and has to fix it for comic effect. HEH.
I am watching Nip/Tuck (bolt cutters!!! skin grafts in the field!! tragically mistaken identities!!) and talking to my mom over IM (not so much w/ the gore, but still pretty interesting!!!!)
I balanced my checkbook and I think that I'll have $60 till my next paycheck (which is on the 15th, so...but still!) I have no food in my house, half a tank of gas and still have Christmas presents to buy!! Hey! News flash! BEING AN ADULT SUCKS!!!
I wrote what was intended to be a supportive email to a journaller I really really like and am afraid all I managed to do was piss her off!!
I need yarn!! No, really!!! I need it for my mom's Christmas present!!!
And?? The Ex has a new girlfriend.
OK, so..now...before you jump to any conclusions here - I don't really care if The Ex has a girlfriend, per se. If the man is happy, I'm well..I don't care, I don't wish ill on anybody blah, bad karma blee.
So, that being said, he does seem to be running through the women awfully quickly. I can't figure out how I feel about this. And before anybody starts talking?? Jealous? NOT ON THE MENU. OK? I'm...I'm pretty honest with myself here. I'm...amysed? Confused? Worried that he's running so fast that he's hitting any port he can? I. It.. I....bah.
The anniversary of our divorce was on Friday (December 2nd) and I started to write about it, started to make a big deal about it, but...eh. It was wordy and annoying and really easy to boil down.
I don't miss him, and I don't miss *our marriage*, but I do miss being married sometimes. I miss the security and comfort of having somebody there, here, with me. I miss the ease of a long-term relationship.
And I...worry? wonder? about him, because he seems to be running so hard, so fast to find somebody. It's just not healthy. But y'know - it's also not my life. He can fun as fast and as hard and as long as he wants and really, it sholdn't matter to me.....so why the fuck am I talking about it?
HM.
I was going to write some bullshit thing about how I can't ignore it, it's in my face because we're tied together by a child - BLLLEELELELELEEEECCHCHCH.
The truth??
See - for 14 years, I was made responsible for this man's emotional well-being and happiness. And not in the fun "make my baby happy" married way. I mean in the uncomfortable "this is your fault!" kind of way. So - y'know - a piddling year later, I feel the same sort of thing about Ex Gossip as I do about celebrity gossip. I KNOW I shouldn't care - really, I DO!!!! But I just can't help it. I don't go looking for it, but when a link comes on MSN about Brit and K-Fed?? I click it. When the kiddo comes home and announces that she and her dad had dinner with his new girlfriend and her son? I ask "new girlfriend?? Is she...nice??", hoping for more information. I would think that purely feeling curiosity, instead of a need to fix everything? Is a big fucking improvement.
I also think I need another beer.
2 comments:
I have a kind of morbid fascination about my ex's love life. Because I can't imagine who would date him, and when they do date him, I stand back to see how long it lasts before they catch on. I'll tell DW "Oh, Surly's got a new girlfriend," and he'll say "What's wrong with her?"
What was wrong with ME was that I was 20, zero self-esteem, with unresolved stepfather issues. I guess he's going to have to find another one of those if he wants something long-term.
"responsible for this man's emotional well-being and happiness" I know how that works all too well? Why??? They are grown men! ine suffers bouts of deprssion and is an absolute bear to live with and it's somehow my fault. I'm also considering divorce so it helps to read about yours.
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