41 days and counting. Invitations are popping up on co-worker's desks. I'm feeling a little tense.
Wedding websites will rot your brain, man. And, despite the humor factor, Etiquette Hell is starting to get on my nerves. Look, I get that a wedding is an important occasion, that there should be some reverence for the commitment two people are making to each other - I'm not a complete hippie, I respect the old institutions. But damn, some people get wound up awfully tight about things. Perhaps I'll be proven wrong in a really horrible way, but I still maintain that the only way my wedding could be truly ruined is if Jef or the officiant doesn't show up. Anything else? Window dressing. Emotionally charged window dressing, but still. So, inspired by the stories on Etiquette Hell, I present the things I really don't care about and the things I really DO. Enjoy.
Things I don't care about
1 - I do not care if you wear white to my wedding. Unless you're wearing a white satin dress with a train and carrying a bouquet, I don't think they'll mistake you for the bride. Neither do I feel that you're trying to steal my thunder by wearing a white sundress on a hot Texas day. I figure you're trying to stay cool. Wear what you want, which leads nicely into....
2 - I don't care if you wear black. Or red. Or pasties and peacock feathers in your hair. NO, REALLY, I DON'T. As long as you don't care about that particular outfit being immortalized on film, I don't care either. Co-workers, be aware that I'm inviting two of the three big bosses and let your freak flag fly.
3 - I don't care if you buy a present or not. We registered as a way of giving suggestions to those people who might want to buy a gift. I will still feed you, provide beverages and enjoy your company regardless. I am not trading hors d'ouvres for Pyrex. What I want the most is your company on my wedding day. If it weren't important to us that our family and friends be there, Jef and I would go the courthouse wedding/happy hour/sleazy hotel sex route.**
4 - I don't care if you act like an asshole at the reception. Obviously, I would rather you didn't, but you're an adult. You are responsible for your own shit. I am the bride, not the babysitter and if you choose to drink it up because it's free and act the ass, I will not feel responsible for you and I will not allow you to ruin my day. In fact, it might be a lot of fun, sitting back laughing at your drunk ass. As long as you don't spill wine on me or Jef, I don't care. No, really, I don't.
5 - I don't care if you bring your kids. I understand completely if people don't want children at their wedding and I'd like to know ahead of time if they're coming, so I can plan appropriately, but your children will not ruin my wedding day. (Unless they highjack the groom's car and keep him from showing up. In which case, damn...impressive four year-old you got there.) It's a civil ceremony being held outdoors so church manners are not necessary. Bring your kids - I'll put coloring books on some of the tables. Join in and color me a pretty picture for a present.
Things I do care about
1 - I care about you being comfortable. Unless we get some kind of freak September cold front (BWAHAHHAHHAHAHAAA) it will be hot. Welcome to Texas. I'll try to make it more pleasant, but see above about dressing comfortably.
2 - I care about you getting home safely. We're getting married out in the country and there are some curvy roads involved in that. Carpool, designate a driver, hit the water an hour before you leave, whatever. The only other way to ruin my wedding?? Die on the way home. That would definitely do it.
3 - I care about getting to talk to you, even if it's briefly. I'll try to get around to everybody, but come say hi - I'll be happy to see you!! Did you color me a picture?? How sweet!
4 - I care about you mingling with the other guests. We're going to have an interesting mix there and I think you'll lose out if you just sit with the people you know and don't wander around. Don't make me break out the icebreaker games, people. I have Twister and I know how to use it.
5 - I care about writing a thank you note in a timely manner. I have always sucked greasy goat balls at this particular skill and I figure if there's one time for me to get it right, this is it.
6 - I care about you signing the guest book. Sometimes people leave early or are camera shy and I won't remember if you were there or not. Sign in, leave me a note, draw me another kitty. I'll provide lots of pens.
6 - I care about you enjoying yourself and feeling appreciated for coming. Hmm...maybe if I'd just written that in the first place, I could have saved some time.
*Of course, by the time the 80's were over, I had just turned 18, so that would have been a trick. We'll ignore the fact that I just barely cleared that decade when I DID get married the first time. Shhhhh - have some more punch.
**Somewhere, Jef is muttering "dammit, that IS what I wanted to do!" I know, honey. Thank you for indulging me.
