*Well, as always, I feel the need to clarify my last entry. I have this almost pathological need to be understood in real life too, so it's not you baby, it's me. I started to write a big ol' clarification, but then the entry got all wallow-ey and weird and BLEH. So nevermind.
Let's just say that life takes more effort than I'd like sometimes and I have trouble with that concept. But y'know, sometimes life is like that and we can't all walk around with sunshine and rainbows shooting out of our asses, now can we? No, we can not, because that would be awfully distracting in meetings. So there.
Anyway, and so, plus also, hi. How are you? You look lovely in that color, really. It brings out your eyes.
I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed lately because I have a lot of things in my life that I want to do and a lot of things that I need to do and, like always, I'm having trouble sorting out the two and prioritizing them and getting them done. So instead, I sit on the couch and watch CSI reruns and drink wine instead.
When I get this way, I also start feeling listy. Like, I want to get a notebook and start making lists - lists of things I need to do, projects, groceries, stuff I need to get done around the house, people I should call, work stuff I should do, daydreams, favorite songs, movies I want to see, books I want to read, other lists I want to make (yes, it's that bad.)
It's just one more way to try to grab the tail of my life and wrestle it to the ground, that's all. I've managed to go a whole month of feeling this way without buying a notebook (one my resolutions! Whoo!) I have a box of blank books taunting me from the closet. It may be time to dig one out and start list-making.
Here's an example of my first list - Ways in Which I'm Completely Off My Rocker:
1 - Well, the list thing.
2 - Compulsive nail cleaning.
3 - I can NOT handle anything coming towards my eyes. Like, if you're talking to me, don't gesture with your pen in my direction. I'll seriously squeal and duck.
4 - Oh, and don't even think about talking about eye surgery around me.
5 - Do I even need to mention my reaction to eye-related gore in movies? No? Good.
6 - I am deathly afraid of crickets and grasshoppers. yes, really. Shut up.
7 - I love pasta in any shape or form except bowtie pasta. Yech, I can't STAND that stuff. I think it's because of its association with mediocre pasta salad.
Anyway, I'm nuts and I need to sit down with a notebook and a pen and do some writing of the bulleted kind tonight, I think. You normal people are sitting there, all "why don't you just DO the stuff that's bothering you??" Look, if I could, I would OK? But I look at a messy house or a pile of laundry or whatever andI cI don't see a task or a set of tasks. I see a mountain. I see Everest. I see this insurmountable thing that I will never, ever be able to get a handle on. So I wander off somewhere safe (couch, wine, CSI - keep up.)
We all cope the best way we can, right? I cope with drugs, my penguin-esque waddles down the hike and bike trail, making lists and laughing at inappropriate times.
How do you cope?
*This is Jef's cat, Harold, looking very serious and judgey.
4 comments:
Let's see. Coping strategies.
I LOVE making lists! Lists rock! Also, I started taking Adderall and that helps a lot. Chocolate, wine, and pasta help me cope. Routine is important.
And: talking/writing. I can't process Life without talking/writing about it.
Good googly goo...is this girl my child or what?
Let's talk about mountains...my Everest is bigger than your Everest.
Seriously, this IS why I take Wellbutrin, but lately...it doesn't want to work. Bleah.
I'm still laughing about the sunshine and rainbows (there's a mental image I'll carry around today!). I completely understand the list-making need. It gives me the illusion that I have control, I think.
I cope by doing ostensibly creative things like writing and knitting and crocheting and playing the mandolin very, very badly. I was much crazier when I didn't do things like that.
At least once a week, I lose my mind anyway.
Also, every so often I let myself drink way too much tequila to let off some steam, but I try not to do that too offten for a bunch of reasons.
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