last drunken post for 40 days

So.

I've decided to give up alcohol and hamburgers for Lent. Seeing as these are my two biggest tangible vices, I figure they're good candidates. My other vices - cursing, spewing invective at other drivers and glaring at fashion don'ts while walking around in stained capris and a baggy sweatshirt - I think I'll need even more if I can't fall comfortably into a Shiner and a patty melt at the end of the day.

And no, I don't intend to get around the whole hamburger thing by saying "It's a cheeeeeeseburger", or "It's a melt! Not a burger! NYEH!!" I will entertain the idea of cheating with chicken and turkey burgers, however, as they are lower in fat and healthier and less likely to be accompanied by fries and I have a really good recipe I want to try.

Look, I've given up my booze folks - I am NOT MADE OF STONE.

Speaking of food, I'm currently working on what I'll call Derivative Chicken. I got the fabulous recipe* for Clams a la Zilker from Twisty's site and I made it. Sort of - I made Clams a la Round Rock by making some substitutions and changes and yum. ANYWAY. Right now I'm making a chicken dish that follows the same general framework as the clams thing - tasso, fennel, garlic, onions, broth instead of wine, chicken breast, serve over pasta, eat greedily. I'm also being stared at by an orange cat - he's laying** on top of the monitor, doing the Snoopy gargoyle thing at me. Bastard cat.

My three readers already know that I'm meeting up with the fabulous Ms. Laura-Flea, that sexy, slutty piece of work, on Thursday for dinner. I, uh, have made an exception to the no booze thing for that night because a)it's barely into Lent! and b)internet stalker meetings require alcohol. Anybody who's ever read a JournalCon entry knows that. I'm looking forward to it. Heh - duh. NO, Laura - I'm really dreading it. HEE.

Anyway - I'm a little nervous, because part of me would like to swap about 30 pounds for IQ points before Thursday. But y'know, I can't.

On CSI, Grisham just let us know that jumpers will take their glasses off before they jump, therefore the dead guy on the ground was pushed, because his glasses were next to him. Of course, I can tell you that he was pushed because in the intro he won a bunch of money and then dumped the chick with him, saying "I'm a millionaire now, why would I want to waste anymore time with YOU?"

I love CSI. It's a sickness.

Back to the meeting folks in person thing - I think I'm pretty much the same in person as I am here. I speak in weird non-sequiturs, find bizarre things funny and sort of....wander..hey! Something shiny!!

The one thing you can't tell from here is that I blink a lot. It's a sensitive/dry eye thing. Jane says I'm fidgety. I dunno, I guess so. I promise not to sneeze/throw up/cough on you and I'll pick up my half of the check AND I'll wash my hands in the bathroom, OK? OK.

OH MY GOD, A NORMAN FELL JOKE. AUGH.

Dude - how old is this episode of CSI??

Ok, I just added spinach to this recipe and it is no longer Derivative Chicken. No - it is, shit, I don't know what to call it now, but I just spilled it on my keyboard. Actually, I spilled it on the kid's keyboard, heh. Keyboard Chicken, it is!! Regardless, it is delicious.

*Twisty doesn't really post recipes so much as she posts guidelines, which actually works really well with my style of cooking.

**I've seen the lying/laying thing explained over and over and OVER again, and I figure like Algebra II and subnet masking, one of these days I'll look at it and it will just click. Until then? Grammar Nazis can suck it.