WHOOO!! (Seriously, anybody want a kitty?)

Well, HI!

Jef is in the valley, visiting his family. I'm at home, watching the remake of Sabrina and discovering the joys of spiced rum on the rocks.

For a while now, I thought all I wanted was the house to myself for a little bit. Weeeelll, now I have it and it kind of sucks. Don't get me wrong, it's nice being able to pee with the door open and wander around, in search of pajama pants, in nothing but a wife beater and a smile. But it's so quiet. I've watched a lot of episodes of Voyager (which I hated when it came out and now I love) and a lot of Food Network and I've opened the fridge and the pantry in search of something to relieve the boredom and I've smoked all but one of an entire pack of cigarettes.

It turns out that I don't know what to do with myself anymore, and this comes as a huge shock to me. (HUUUUUUUUUUUGE) See, I was that kid who would disappear, only to be found an hour later, when the grown-ups finally noticed my absence, coloring in my room or reading a book or somehow entertaining myself in some totally benign way.

(Holy awkward comma splices and split infinitives, Batman!!!!)

In other words, I (usually) do well by myself.

I wish Jef's and my families lived in the same town. Or even the same state. Ok, well, in Texas, the same state doesn't mean much. I wish they lived within 100 miles of each other. I think 100 miles is a good, healthy distance to put between yourself and your parents once you reach a certain age.

(Not you, mom - you and I could live next door to each other and it wouldn't be a problem.*)

**(just go look)

(Dude, what the fuck?? Sigourney Weaver is doing Lifetime movies now?? We are living in an Era of Wrong.)

Fuck, where was I?

Oh, yes, family. Everybody seems to get along. Husbands, wives, in-laws...it's just..well..it's fucking great. So yeah, I wish we all lived within a reasonable distance of each other instead of 300 miles from his family and 500 miles from mine. Seriously, pick a point on a map. Draw a line 300 miles in one direction. Now draw another line 500 miles the other directions. Yeah, it's a lot like that. It makes holiday travel challenging, to say the least.

Hang on - out of rum.

Ok, all better.

Would it be sacrilege to say that I like the 1995 version of Sabrina better than the original? Because I do. I love me some Bogie and some Audrey, but I also love me some Harrison Ford and Greg Kinnear and Julie Ormond.

And I wish I could carry off the haircut that she gets in the movie. She looks sophisticated with a touch of gamine. I would look like a rat with a shag.

(What the hell ever happened to Lauren Holly?? She's so cute and she was adorable on..um..that show she was on and then she married/dated Jim Carrey and just kind of disappeared. What the hell?)

("We were up to our elbows in your underwear drawer - it was like touching the Shroud of Turin." HA!! My favorite line.)

OK, so - I'll leave you with one interesting little tidbit about me and Jef. Jef grew up in the valley (those of you unfamiliar with Texas, just Google "Rio Grande Valley." See?? Texas has a valley. Shut up.) Fuck...lost my train again.

OH, OK, so...Jef grew up in a primarily Spanish-speaking area. He speaks Spanish, but it's kind of rusty since he lived in Dallas for 9 years. However, my big, blue-eyed Scot curses in Spanish when he stubs his toe or somebody cuts him off. It's pretty fucking funny.

AnyHOO....my Spanish pronunciation?? Is the suck. "oo-no, dose, traysss" Hola, yo soy un gringa. *** My French pronunciation is not great, but it's...OK. I can at least get close due to taking a few (incredibly useless) courses in French.

Jef's French pronunciation? Sackray blue!!

Would anybody like a long-haired black kitty? Very sweet, needs to be fixed, possibly incredibly stupid, answers to Smoal. No? Fine.

fuckers

(Movie's over, time for "How It's Made" (dude, I love this show) and one of the items is pineapples. Um...they're made...by a pineapple tree? Bush? Vine? Ok, fine, maybe I should watch the show.)

Ok, look...rum apparently hits harder than beer or wine (who knew?) and I started this entry sober and have ended...dude? Have you been reading? So I'm going to drink some water and smoke that last cigarette and then go to bed. Y'all behave.



*No, really - I'm not just sucking up to my mom because she reads this. We probably couldn't share a house. Well, we definitely couldn't now that we're both married and have assorted kids of our own. But we could live much closer than the average mom/daughter combo. Without getting into a big explanation of our family dynamics (that would take way too long and involve charts and mnemonic devices and possibly hypnosis) let's just say we've both learned enough to be able to deal with each other pretty well.

**You have no idea how hard that period, asterisk, paren combo was for me to put together.

***Yes, I know I probably conjugated that incorrectly.

Turns out pineapples grown on some kind of bush type thing and frogs like to lay their eggs in the crown. Fascinating

Damn...I just spell-checked this and I spelled mnemonic correctly. What the hell?