Cats, red wine and wireless technology. America, fuck yeah.
Went through orientation at Smiley-Mart today. Seven hours of Smiley-Mart history and various training films including my favorite, what to do in case of a spill.
"There are three types of spills, non-toxic, toxic and unknown."
Um, yeah.
Went to mom's house when I was done and she sent me home with a bunch of super-fresh, organic green stuff from this place. I'm thinking sauteed mushrooms and Swiss chard for supper. If Miles doesn't stop running back and forth from one end of the porch to the other, whining the whole Goddamn time, I may have a report on how apartment-raised feline tastes with Swiss chard and sauteed mushrooms. I have been bemoaning the lack of protein in my diet, after all.
It's only 70 degrees outside right now and I'm freezing in a t-shirt and shorts. Honestly, how do all you mammal-type people do this?? Bleh. I've got the house open because it's lovely out here, and it's finally not raining and I need the fresh air, and I know that in like, 15 minutes we'll all be complaining because it's 150 frillion degrees and our brains are melting, so I'm sort of savoring this little pocket of cool. However, I'm not anemic, I'm not exceptionally thin (Hahhahhahhahhahhaaa...SNORT) I'm not some kind of bizarre hairless Chinese Crested half-breed woman, I do exercise, my blood circulates on its own, so why am I cold all the time? The entire world is comfortable at 70 and I'm reaching for a peacoat. Everybody else is gasping and getting indecent at 78 and I'm finally thawing out. I just feel like some sort of Equatorial freak.
Bleh. Am half lizard. Mom lied to me all those years. She just found a guy who conveniently looked and acted JUST LIKE ME and really got freaky with an iguana 36-ish years ago. That's the truth isn't it, mom???
I'm off to put on a couple of layers and figure out what the hell to do with a kohlrabi.
Doesn't that sound like something you'd see at a bar mitzvah??
"Levi! That dance is amazing! What do you call it??"
"The Electric KohlRabi."
2 comments:
I used to be cold all the time, too. Until I became MENOPAUSAL. Now you will see me suddenly begin gasping for air and clawing at my outer layers to pull them off before I expire of heat exhaustion. You can see that you have a lot to look forward to.
Actually...your dad was a metamorph, base species lizard. He was the same way, though, and for some totally odd reason, so is your little (half) brother, who bears no relation to your paternal unit, so go figure.
Me? I'm lovin' it! Every August in Austin, I'm dying...sitting in the 105 degree weather and plotting my escape to Portland.
The kohlrabi...is kinda like a very mild radish (the bulb part, anyway). Diced in a salad with balsamic vinagrette...or however the hell you spell that...is wunnerful!
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