Which sin is envy?*

I've been thinking about jealousy lately, because it seems like anytime one writer says something critical about another writer, third parties immediately start chirping "Jealous! Jealous! You're just jealous!!" as if the only reason one could ever disagree with, or dislike, another writer is jealousy.

Am I jealous of folks like Sarah Bunting and Pamie and Dooce and such? Yes. I absolutely am. They have managed to make a hobby into a money-making enterprise, which is something I have never ever figured out how to do. Am I jealous because I think they're better writers? Not necessarily. I'm not saying they are or are not better writers, just that's not what sparks any envy on my part. I know that I'm a decent writer in my own right - I'm not the next Atwood, semi-colons confuse me and let's not even get started on the whole lay/lie thing, but overall, I can get my point across in writing without making anyone's eyes bleed. (At least I sure hope so. If y'alls eyes are bleeding, dictate a little constructive criticism, OK?)

Here's how I think of it - am I jealous of runway models? Nope, not at all. Those women are genetically different than I am and there is no way on God's green Earth that I will EVER look like them. They are something I am not. However, if you asked me if I'm jealous of fitness models, I'd have to answer yes. Admittedly, those women are gifted genetically, but then again so am I. But they have something I do not - discipline. I am absolutely pea-green with envy of the drive and discipline that those women have in regards to their workout regimen and diet. Do I have a strong body that could do all the things they do? Yes, I do. Do I have the strong mind to go along with it? Nope. I'm jealous of that, because I feel like that's something I *could* change and haven't.

So see, I'm not jealous of writers on the internet, even if they are better than I am (which most of them are.) They are what they are. They can evoke, I can not - the world continues to spin. But I am not so horrible a writer that I couldn't do more with it - if I had a little more discipline and a little more drive and oh, let's not forget, knew that that's what I really wanted to do. See, I'm jealous of the ability to look at one's writing and say "this - THIS is what I want to do with my life", and to make it happen. I can't seem to do that, and it makes me a little green at times.


*I am not now, nor have I ever claimed to be just as good a writer as any of the people I mentioned, or anybody else you might think I'm hinting about. I am also not speaking for anybody except myself because I'm the only person that I really CAN speak for, thank you. I'm not talking to or about you. I'm not ripping anybody and I'm not saying I'm all that. Please just read the words. Thanks.