This 3 Blind Moose stuff still sucks, but I had to finish it.

In my teeny little corner of the internet, I have the coolest readers in the whole world. Thank you very very very much for the sweet comments.

Miz S had some specific questions:

This is definitely not the time to give up booze. Your poor Dad. I hope they can get the pain under control. Is your step-mom checking into hospice care or is it not quite that time yet? What about your siblings? Are you guys close? Seems like a good time to stand together. I'm really sorry, Laura. How awful.

Yeah, the booze thing has been shot to hell. I haven't had any hamburgers though! Whoo! Go me!!

His pain seems to be under control - he has morphine patches and is taking liquid morphine right on schedule (about every three hours.) My stepmother said that they're keeping him on pain meds so that the pain doesn't get too bad, because like father like daughter, he tends to wait till the last minute before he takes anything, and then he has to wait for it to kick in and he's miserable for no reason. So, she has taken over the meds regimen as much as he'll let her and is making sure that he's not hurting too much. But it's still difficult and exhausting for him to move around, even something as simple as changing from laying in bed to sitting up. He also said that due to "[his] medical condition it feels like [he's] sitting on a grapefruit." Hence the wincing and the not sitting up too much.

He was set to start up with hospice over the weekend, but due to the Monday doctor's appointment and the possibility of being put in the hospital and the wrench that can throw in hospice care, they put off making any official hospice arrangements until Monday. I haven't heard anything from StepMom today (and no, I haven't called. I'm not sure what to say today - "anything changed?" "nope" I think - hell I don't know what I think. Eh - this ramble's getting to long for parentheses - moving on) so I'm assuming that he decided not to go with any other procedures and hospice has been called in.

The Bros and I are not super-close, but we're not really distant either. We get along fine when we're all together, but we tend to not get in touch with each other as much as we should. It seems to be genetic, this total inability to keep up any kind of correspondence. (My dad has (has! has! no past tense yet) it too.) Sport and McBrother are pretty torn up and at various points, I got to sit down with StepMom and each brother to talk about stuff. We couldn't quite manage all four of us at the same time, but it's OK. I think all of us are on the same page regarding funeral arrangements and such. I also told StepMom that when I say "do you need anything?" one of the things I specifically mean is "when/if you need me to get in somebody's face about arrangements, I'm there. Or if you need me to start shooing people out of the house? I'm there. Hell - if you need me to clean the kitchen because you just can't deal with it? I'm there."

The three of us (the bros and I) are all of the opinion that if dad wants to be cremated, we cremate him. If he wants to be buried upside-down in the backyard, we bury him upside-down in the backyard. Whatever. I'm of the belief that we get to control so little in this life, we should at least have control of our disposals, y'know? StepMom feels the same way, so the four of us can present sort of a united front. This is only an issue because dad has maintained for a long time that he wants to be cremated. Stepmom's not big on it, but she'll do what he wants. The Grand'rents (specifically Grandma) didn't seem to like that idea. Whatever. I have no problem getting up in my Grandmother's face. That sounds awful, like I'm going to throw down with a woman who just lost her only child. It's not like that, it's just that Grandma can be sort of, ooooh let's call it obstinate about things at time. She's a sweet, loving woman, but she tends to latch onto an idea and jeez. Anyway.

Another perc to being the oldest kid is that I think I'll get taken more seriously than the Bros will. I suppose RHIP after all. And no, I'm not looking for a fight. But I am prepared to deal with my Grandma's grousing. I think she's really only happy if she has something to bitch about, so I just have a sinking feeling that she'll bitch about the cremation around StepMom and...feh.

So here's where we sit - waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm not crying as I type this, like I was last night. I wouldn't say I'm doing better necessarily, I'm just doing differently. And I promise that I'll write something light again. Really, I will.

Thank you guys for your patience and support. Huge internet hugs.