Monday Night Dumbass

I just spent an hour avoiding the train wreck of "Wife Swap", which is easy for a normal person, but I kept switching the channel over to it, growling in frustration, then going back to my CSI rerun. Dude, seriously? That show? So wrong. Tell me that the folks on it are paid to act like total jackholes, or I'm just gonna go eat some roach bait right now. Feh. Anyway - Behold!! an entry!!!

Where did we last find our heroine?? Ah yes, Halloween. Halloween was fun. Max did a better job as Silent Bob than I did as Jay, but then I think part of that was the general shock surrounding the idea of Max taking on any task that involved the word "silent". One man spent a lot of time hugging me and thanking me for getting Max to be *Silent* Bob. And as he drank more, he thanked and...hugged more. Ok, dude, I get it. My boyfriend talks. A lot. DROP IT NOW BEFORE I HURT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY BOY. And you're starting to make me a leeetle uncomfortable with all the "maaaaaan, I LOVE you!!" hugginess. We just met. Go.Away.

Little lesson, boys and girls. Never get really really drunk on your balcony and then decide to show your boyfriend a basketball drill, because if you were to do something that moronic, one of your feet just might slip and snag an exposed nail, thus taking out a huge chunk of skin and embedding a half-inch long splinter in the ball of your foot, necessitating drunken tweezer weilding, conversations about tetanus shots and infection, and insuring that your foot will hurt just enough to annoy the crap out of you, but not enough to justify an actual limp.

Porch 1, My foot 0

fuck

So there's that, and there's the phone call I got today from the nurse at The School, telling me that kiddo needs a tetanus booster THIS WEEK, which...um..why didn't the other school nurse ever let me know? Oh, that's right because SHE SUCKS.

History - a couple of years ago, I got a call from The Sucky Nurse, telling me that "hey, kiddo doesn't have anything in here about either receiving a chicken pox vaccine or having the chicken pox, and we kind of need that in there." Ok. I tell her that when Kiddo was about 5, she had the Mildest Case of Chicken Pox Ever. (Seriously, two pocks (pox? pos? poxxi??)) No problem, she says, fax me a note with the general date and I'll put it in her file.

Note written and faxed, hands brushed together with a sense of accomplishment.

A week later, my kiddo starts running a fever. And breaking out in spots. Chicken-like spots. I take her to the doctor, who tells us that, well if she already had Le Pox Poulet, this can't be it (even though I stressed the whole MC of CPE angle several times, because I know you can have them more than once if the first case isn't "enough" to make your body produce the immunities or pox fighting robots or whatever it does) and he (mis)diagnosed it as a word I can't spell, but basically hand and mouth disease from not washing your hands properly. (EEW and OK)

Sooo....we institute some more rigorous hand-washing protocols. (No, we are not nasty motherfuckers, but sometimes it happens, we're human.) The kid is spotted for awhile, and when there are no more new spots and the fever's gone, she goes back to school - healing spots and all. (Yep, we're mean mean parents.)

A week later, the Ex (who was the Current at the time, keep up) gets sick. And starts running a fever. Aaaaaand starts breaking out in spots. Did I mention he hadn't had chicken pox as a child? Or that he was 42 at the time?? Yep.

Fast forward through an Emergency Room Ordeal (Which included chest pains and a 104 fever), a week in the hospital and lots of oatmeal baths, including a really fun middle of the night one, where the poor man literally SOAKED HIS HEAD in Aveeno because he was in so much itchy misery.

"What does this have to do with the school nurse??" I hear you cry in frustration.

Well - when the kiddo first starting getting spots, I called her and said "Hey, so you asked about my kid's vaccination record last week and now she's come down with spots and a fever and I'm just curious - were you going through records because y'all were seeing kids with chicken pox?? 'Cause if that's what's going on, I need to know because my husband's never had them.

Her answer? "Oh, no...nonono - we'd send notes home in that case. I was just going through records and noticed it was missing."

Now, I believe in coincidence, but....um...I call Bullshit.

So yeah, The Sucky Nurse can bite my left one.

Where the fuck was I, when I started that? Oh - the weekend, in all of its drunken, rusty, bacteria-inducing, midnight Neosporin searching, too much fast food eating glory.

There was much alcohol this weekend. I had one of Those Parenting Nights, and I chose the most constructive, healthy way to deal with it. I drank my way through it. Heh. So Sunday found me a bit...wan and pale. And headachey and tired. We all know that the best way to deal with a hangover and an open wound is fast food and naps. So that's what I did all day Sunday. Well - I didn't nap as much as I would have liked to, but I spent the day in as sloth-like a fashion as possible. Just without the tree climbing, or the algae growing on my back, because EW.

There was knitting and football, along with the slothiness. I'm working on a scarf (of course it's a scarf, that's all I know how to make. Duh.) in this pattern. It's coming along nicely, and is very soothing, what with the "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, switch, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5" repetitive thing going on. I have 4 feet of it done so far, and I'm going to do another 4 feet (YES!!) because I'm weird like that. But now...I don't know what to do with the scarf once I'm done with the actual KNITTING of it.
I mean - right now, at 8PM, it's 75 degrees outside. It was 85 during the day. November 7th. 85 degrees. Not scarf weather.

Hey - guess what else happened today. The Ex called!! The kid is on his cell phone plan and racked up $53 in text messaging! Whoo!!

So, Halloween was fun, Laura's an idiot when she drinks, send Band-Aids, I'll be wearing shorts and a tank to Thanksgiving and teenagers suck. This will all be on the test.